Guy Fieri Didn’t Deserve This Brutal New York Times Restaurant Review

by Mad Dog

NEW YORK CITY, NY — This shit is so messed up we’re foaming at the mouth with rage eight years later. Guy Fieri, the man behind the awesome “Donkey Sauce” and “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives,” received a one-star review in The New York Times, and we’re still pissed as fuck.

Listen to this bullshit:

“What is going on at this new restaurant of yours, really?

Has anyone ever told you that your high-wattage passion for no-collar American food makes you television’s answer to Calvin Trillin, if Mr. Trillin bleached his hair, drove a Camaro and drank Boozy Creamsicles? When you cruise around the country for your show “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives,” rasping out slangy odes to the unfancy places where Americans like to get down and greasy, do you really mean it?

Or is it all an act? Is that why the kind of cooking you celebrate on television is treated with so little respect at Guy’s American Kitchen & Bar,” Pete Wells wrote in The New York Times back in 2012 like a fucking prick.

Dude, what the fuck! Guy Fieri is incredible. He gives a shit load of money to charity, his hair is rad, and he loves cruise ships.

What’s not to love?

You don’t go to McDonald’s expecting a five star meal, so why would you go out of your way to shit on Guy Fieri’s restaurant when you know his goal wasn’t to get a Michelin Star.

This makes no sense to us. And from now on, we will be cancelling our New York Times subscription.

Rot in hell, Pete Wells. Guy Fieri, keep on rocking!