Justin Bieber Is Trying Awfully Hard To Convince Us He Isn’t A Man Of God

by Gorman

LOS ANGELOS, CALIFORNIA — According to a report in the New York Post, Justin Bieber is wildly refuting claims that he is studying to become a man of God. The Biebs is very adamant that he is not studying to become a minister at The Hillsong Church, an organization that is under some pretty fierce scrutiny (a church under investigation? Shocking!) Looks like The Hillsong Church have been caught embezzling money and multiple leaders of the megachurch are resigning.

But enough about Hillsong, we know what you want—to know about the possibility of Biebs becoming a religious leader.

Well, Justin Bieber is simply not having it, which oddly enough now makes his claims even more suspicious. Sorry, bro, but when you care that hard about what people think about you, you’re just going to make the masses even more curious. Just look at his social media response to these claims. In fact, we break it down…

“IM NOT STUDYING TO BE A MINISTER OR ANYTHING EVEN CLOSE TO THAT.” This is what Justin Bieber wrote in his instagram stories. There are a few ways we can interpret this statement- maybe he’s studying to become some other kind of religious leader? That would make his Instagram story a very slick way to evade suspicion without technically lying. And all caps? Pretty desperate. 

Justin Bieber addresses false reports that he’s studying to become a minister for Hillsong Church:

“This is fake news…and BTW Hillsong is not my church.” pic.twitter.com/Uw8YYiK0zc

— Pop Crave (@PopCrave) January 4, 2021

Bieber is not finished. He then writes “AND BTW HILLSONG IS NOT MY CHURCH.. FOR CLARITY I AM A PART OF CHURCHOME” First of all, Churchome sounds absolutely delicious, and we applaud Justin’s decision to not patronize a Church connected to Fraud. But lay off the caps, friend, your urgency draws even more doubt!

Not unlike Bieber, St. Peter did deny Jesus thrice…just saying!

Finally, Bieber decides to set the record and elaborate his beliefs on church and faith. He says “church is not a place,” which is exactly what you expect to hear from a man devoted to the lord. He says in his story that you do not “need a building to connect with god.” Well, that sounds exactly like the words of a man so true to his higher power that he’ll forsake the tithings of a church and encourage his followers to focus on the presence of a deity within one’s own world (regardless, during a pandemic it’s advisable to avoid group prayer sessions, even if they rule and are lead by Justin Bieber.)

Perhaps Justin Bieber is not studying to become a man of some sort of cloth (well, maybe denim). But regardless, he sounds like he’s got the bare bones, best parts of faith down pat. If he ever does choose to take on the role of prophet, he will doubtless have scores of followers…in a sense, he already has.