Kevin Hart Describes His Patrick Bateman-esque Morning Routine

by Gorman

Kevin Hart is a superstar, and he believes in taking care of himself. In a recent interview with the New York Times, Mr. Hart went over the keys to his mental and physical wellness. None of it is especially groundbreaking, but it does reflect a devotion to detail and discipline that smacks of Patrick Bateman. You know…Patrick Bateman. From American Psycho? Yes, the fictional murderer!

Money Helps

According to the article, Hart has a multi-pronged approach to wellness, most of which is achieved by having lots of money. Hart shouts out his facialist Tina K and his personal trainer Ron Boss Everline (incredible name.) It’s kind of him to credit others with his successful journey! But not a lot of people have that kind of dough to spend.

He also makes generous use of the steam room. Oooh lala! These are all things we imagine Patrick Bateman, a fake person, would love. He’d probably go on and on and on about it in excessive boring detail for pages. Fortunately, Hart keeps his wisdom pretty short and sweet.

All Right, All Right, We’ll Drink More Water!

There are some basics you don’t need to be insanely wealthy to access, though. Hart says he is a “faithful water-by-the-night-stand kind of person.” This is good news! You don’t need a bajillion dollars to put a cup of water by your bed. Just makes sure to clean it every once in a while, my dudes.

Bateman probably drinks water too, but only EVIAN.

Get Up, Lazy Bones

Hart also claims to be an adherent to that old annoying stand-by: getting up early to go to the gym. Hart says “I’ve been an early gym riser for about the last six years. I love it now- you’re getting some quiet, you can listen to music- it’s almost therapeutic for me,”

It’s a good thing to keep in mind. We may not be able to afford a private gym or an Equinox membership, but most of us can get away with doing a couple of push ups and listen to steely dan for 10 minutes in the morning. Just as long as you’re not also watching the Texas chain saw massacre while you do it.

Hart Is Stinky…In A Good Way!

Hart loves some nice smelling body washes and colognes. This is VERY Patrick Bateman. But not everything is out of reach for the rest of us. According to Hart he’s been using Colgate White since he was 4 years old. We can get behind Colgate, sure.

Finally, and probably the most pocket friendly, Hart believes in meditation. That’s probably the biggest difference between him and the Bate Man. Maybe if Patrick had taken a couple minutes every morning to center his breathing he wouldn’t have become such an asshole. Meditation is becoming more and more common amongst men, which is pretty tits, if you ask us.

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