These Poor Lions Won’t Get To Eat Ricky Gervais’s Corpse, Even Though It’s God’s Will

by Tim K

Here’s some rough news for just about everyone who cares about carrying out the Lord’s wishes: According to Daily Mail, The London Zoo has rejected Ricky Gervais’s request to be eaten by lions when he dies.

Damn. To think that these lions were this close to fulfilling God’s will by devouring the dead body of outspoken atheist Ricky Gervais is just heartbreaking.

On a recent episode of Conan, the 59-year-old comedian and obvious Satanist declared that when he passes away, he’d like to be fed to the zoo animals in order to “give something back” to the animal community.

“It would be good to be fed to lions at London Zoo,” said the star of the anti-religious piece of heathen filth, The Invention of Lying. “It would be good to give something back. We eat animals and destroy habitats, and at least then I could give something back.”

“It would be amusing to see the faces of tourists when this fat, naked dead body is thrown out, and as it lands some people go, ‘Is that the bloke from The Office?’”

Unfortunately, both the tourists and the lions have been robbed of this moment thanks to Chief Operating Officer of the London Zoo, Kathryn England.

“I suspect Ricky may be a bit gristly for our lions.”

WTF, London Zoo? via Giphy

“But we are struggling financially because of lockdown, so if anyone wants to ‘give something back,’ we welcome donations that will help us keep our lions fed on a more suitable diet,” she added.

SMH. This is one hell of a tough pill to swallow. It really looked like all the pieces were in place for nature’s largest, most lunatic beasts to rip apart the flesh of the world’s most dangerous heretic.

Fingers crossed that lions from a different zoo might still get the chance!