Incredibly Mean: Chinese Scientists Want You To Stay Alive Longer

by Mad Dog

CHINA—Well, this is total bullshit. According to the Chinese Academy Of Sciences, there is a new type of gene therapy that will allow human beings to delay aging, forcing all of us to live forever even though we do not want that for a fucking second.

I mean, come on. Life is already hard enough and now you’re telling us we have to endure more of it because you discovered some sort of gene therapy bullshit? That’s a hard pass from us at Men’s Humor.

Apparently the researchers from the Chinese university conducted genome-wide CRISPR/Cas9-based screens in human premature aging stem cells and identified more than 100 candidate senescence-promoting genes. Whatever the hell that means.

They further verified the effectiveness of inactivating each of the top 50 candidate genes in promoting cellular rejuvenation using targeted sgRNAs, and then did some other science bullshit that would be too hard to type out because we aren’t really smart enough to understand it.

At the end of the day we just know that this is not a good thing. In fact, it’s an incredibly bad thing. That just means more years of work and more years of stress. If anything, scientists should be researching how to make life a little bit shorter. Something around age fifty five seems pretty solid. Not too short, not too long. Just right.