Japanese Fisherman Uses Karate To Fight Off Bear

by Mad Dog

JAPAN — If you thought karate was just for adults with ponytails, think again. According to ABC, a 63-year old Japanese man named Atsushi Aoki used his karate skills to fight off a black bear that attacked him in the mountains.

Welcome to Atsushi’s dojo, black bear!

Here’s what went down. While Atsushi was fishing in a creek, the massive black bear suddenly attacked out of nowhere. The bear scratched and clawed Atsushi, leaving him disoriented and scared.

“The bear was so strong, and it knocked me down,” Mr Aoki told Tokyo Broadcasting System. “It turned me over and bit me right here,” he added, pointing to his bandaged leg.

What happened next is like The Revenant on CRACK.

Idiot Leonardo DiCaprio vs. Bear

Instead of trying to outrun the gargantuan black bear, Atsushi decided that he would use his well-honed karate skills to fight back.

The man then lunged backwards into his fighting stance, sticking out both fists like an absolute boss. Then, when the black bear charged him, he jabbed that fucker right in the eyes. The black bear then scrambled into the woods.

And it gets even crazier.

After fighting off the bear and scaring it off, Atsushi then got into his car and drove himself to the hospital like a stone cold boss.

“He drove himself to hospital, and he even remembered to grab the fish that he had caught,” a local police officer told AFP.

Now, don’t worry Men’s Humor fans. If you don’t know karate we have some other tips to help you if you are ever in a similar situation.

Men’s Humor’s tips for fighting off Japanese bears:

  1. Start by not vacationing in Japan, opting for a lovely trip to Madagascar or Space
  2. Bears love humans that are 6’0″ tall, so try and stay below that height
  3. Remind the bear that most conflicts can be resolved by talking things out, not violence
  4. Take a smaller bear hostage and use it as a bargaining chip