Nature’s Badasses: Fish Get Super Drunk For Fun

by Mad Dog

NEW YORK CITY, NY—If you’ve ever wondered if humans are the only species that gets drunk as shit off Four Lokos in their parents’ garage while listening to 100 Gecs, we’ve got news for you. You’re not alone in this universe, my friend. According to New Your University Polytechnic Institute Of Engineering, fish can get drunk, and when they do, they go absolutely apeshit.

Yep, find these little guys an AA meeting because they lose their damn minds when exposed to the chemical formally known as ethanol, aka alcohol, aka ‘The Good Juice.’

In a study conducted by the University to test the effects of alcohol on different organisms, it turns out that drunk zebrafish—we’re not sure why they chose zebrafish—not only swim up to ten times faster than their sober compatriots, but they actually convince the sober members of the group to follow them around.

Hell yeah.

According to the head of the study, Maurizio Porfiri, zebrafish also stop fearing anything when they are drunk, including robots, humans, and other, larger fish. How he tested this, we have no idea, as fish cannot speak or tell anyone when they are scared or not. In fact, we at Men’s Humor aren’t even sure that fish can feel fear. But that’s neither here nor there.

According to Porfiri, we still don’t have the technology to ascertain whether or not fish and humans behave exactly the same while under the influence of alcohol, but we sure hope that the slimy little bastards also go to Taco Bell at four in the morning for a little chalupa action as well.

No word, however, on whether any fish have gotten drunk enough to change their name to Celine Dion.