Tesla Announces It Will Accept Bitcoin Which Is Good Because We Own A LOT Of Bitcoin

by Mad Dog

INTERNET—Well, Elon has done it again, folks. He bought over one and a half billion dollars worth of Bitcoin and announced Tesla would accept Bitcoin as payment. This is great news because we have 100 Bitcoins and have no idea what to do with them.

Holy guacamole. That’s a lot of Bitcoin!

So What Went Down?

Basically, Tesla bought a shit ton of Bitcoin so that its company’s customers can purchase one of the company’s signature cars with it. That’s fucking sweet.

According to Reuters, Tesla may be accept Bitcoin as part of a longer-term investment strategy

The company made the disclosures in a section of its quarterly securities filing that also detailed its purchase of $1.5 billion worth of bitcoin. If customers buy Teslas with bitcoin, the company may or may not liquidate those payments right away – which some experts read as an indication that Tesla might hold on to at least some of the coins and not sell them automatically.

Reuters, Anna Irrera

No more middle men. Tesla is going to be its own crypto-currency haven. Hell to the mother-effing yeah!

How Did Men’s Humor Get 100 Bitcoins?

We have a flash drive that contains the iconic coin. At the moment, we are not exactly sure where the flash drive is. But we’re definitely going to find it. And when we do, it’s over for you hoes! We’re about to buy all the Sons Of Anarchy memorabilia we can get our grubby little hands on. We’re talking leather jackets, and motorcycles, and Ron Perlman’s jeans! That’s right. His jeans are ours once we get our Bitcoin fortune out of the flash drive. Watch and see. Any day now we’ll find it.

As always, keep grinding, and let’s get this goddamn mother-effing bread, y’all! Also, check out the new Fast and Furious trailer!