SUPER BOWL — People who are fans of PG-rated stuff, rejoice! The Super Bowl halftime show is going to be performed by The Weeknd, and he has promised fans that he will keep the show child-friendly! Hell to the mothereffing yeah!
Wow! Good for you, The Weeknd! Respect for families is missing from music these days. This man might singlehandedly bring it back in style with one Super Bowl half-time performance. Best of luck restoring family values, Mr. Weeknd.
How Did This Happen?
Well, The Weeknd wants to make sure viewers of all ages can enjoy his musical stylings, so he has committed to keeping it cool. Looking at you Justin Timberlake and Janet Jackson…
Not cool, you two! Not cool at all! There are children in the room who could see this as they crouch on the ground near dad, waiting for him to drop a chicken wing they can pick up in their mouth like a dog.
What Do We Want To See At The Super Bowl?
Football. Beer. Guns. Boobs. You know what we want. We want it so damn bad. We want that juicy chicken wing grease dripping down our face as we watch men slam into each other like atoms smashing in the CERN large hadron collider.
That’s what we NEED. Because we are MEN. And we are HUMOR.
We must protect this HOUUUUSE.
Let’s go! Keep grinding, y’all!