Fiona The Hippo Is Not Old Enough To Have Sex…YET!

by Gorman

CINCINNATI, OHIO — 4 years ago this month, a baby hippo named Fiona almost didn’t survive infancy. She was born 6 weeks premature, and was only 29 pounds, which is not cool if you’re a hippo. The good news is she survived and she’s celebrating her 4th birthday on January 24th. Mazel tov, Fiona! The bad news is, she’s still not ready to have sex, according to a report from WLWT in Cincinnati.

Patience, boys. She’s still got some growing up to do!

The story mentions that despite her young age, there is no shortage of admirers for young Fiona. A 3 year old hippo named Timothy at the San Antonio zoo writes a love note for Fiona every week on Facebook. Put it back in your pants, Timothy, jeez. What a pervert!

But there are certainly even more suitors waiting in the wings for a taste of Fiona.

According o WLWT’s story, “Fiona’s genes are valuable in the world of Nile hippopotamuses.” Breeding is going to be important to make sure her species survives and thrives. Wendy Rice, the head keeper at the Cincinnati Zoo’s Africa department, feels confident that Fiona will get to fuck soon.

“We’re hopeful that if she gets a breeding recommendation that a male would be brought here for her so she wouldn’t have to leave Cincinatti” Rice explains. Typical zoo keeper. You want the hippo to fuck but you want it to be on YOUR TERMS. What does Fiona want? Maybe she wants to fuck in a more romantic zoo (Paris, per chance?)

As soon as Fiona is able to get down, we’re confident she’ll have a great time. And so will the lucky fella. Fiona is 1,500 pounds of pure female hippo goodness, but hold it right there, misters. She’s not having sex with anyone. Not until she’s 5. Then you can absolutely have at her.