BIRMINGHAM, UNITED KINGDOM – A man formerly known as Thomas Dodd—a 30 year-old insane person from the United Kingdom—celebrated his 2020 Christmas by getting extremely drunk and doing something so stupid it made the news: according to the Manchester Evening News, Dodd was so enraptured by a televised Celine Dion performance that he legally changed his name to ‘Celine Dion’.
Dodd, a hospitality manager by day and unhinged party animal by night, allegedly paid £89 (or around $121 USD) to take his favorite artist’s name.
“I am slightly obsessed with her, I’m not going to lie,” lied Dodd. “During lockdown I’ve been watching a lot of live concerts on the TV. I can only think I’ve been watching one of hers and had a ‘great idea’ after a few drinks!”
If this were a friend or relative of yours, would you not immediately check them into a psychiatric evaluation unit? Would you not grieve watching the mind of a loved one slip away into this sort of reckless, self-sabotaging behavior?
“I walked in from work and there was a big white envelope with ‘do not bend’ written across it. I nearly passed out in my kitchen when I opened it. My initial concern was how on earth do I tell the HR department at work that I need to change my email footer!? Now I’m thinking it could be a great way to get backstage,” continued Dodd, a perfect example of someone who has fallen through the cracks of his country’s mental health system and onto the front pages of a tabloid.
“I’m just praying I don’t get pulled over by the police for anything – that could get awkward,” continued Dodd. We have a feeling this man is going to be the subject of a police chase sooner than later.
Dodd apparently does not have any plans to change his name back to Thomas Dodd anytime soon. While his mother disapproves, Dodd said his sister “choked on her sandwich” upon hearing the news, adding that “[his family members] seem to be seeing the funny side.”
Well, in the end, Celine Dion is a pretty name. He certainly could have picked worse names, such as:
• Chairman “Shaq” Mao
• Smallest Dog
• Hagrid Baseballcard
• Lizardo “Woman” O’Bama
• The Ham
We apologize if your legally name resembles anything above.