Tokyo To Give Olympians 150k Condoms, But Still Encourage Social Distancing

condoms and athletes

TOKYO, JAPAN, EARTH — The news doesn’t always make sense. In fact, it rarely ever does. This news item out of SCMP does not add up in any way whatsoever: Tokyo, host of the upcoming Olympics, will give out 150,000 condoms to competing athletes, but it is also encouraging social distancing?

Tokyo. Have you been DRINKING?! What the hell are you even on about?! Honestly, be quiet for a while. This is ridiculous nonsense you’re spewing right now.

According to SCMP, this July, when Tokyo welcomes thousands of athletes from around the globe to participate in the long-awaited summer Olympics, competitors will be handed a 33 page rule back. In these rules are strict-as-hell coronavirus safety guidelines. We’re talking Don’t Mess Up Or You Are Fuckin’ Outta Here level strict.

However, some noted one glaring contradiction in Tokyo’s strategy. The contradiction? Giving out 150,000 condoms to all the athletes.

Unless Tokyo has invented some long distance method for having sex, this makes ZERO god damn sense. WTF?!

Wear all the masks you want. Keep your distance. But when it comes bumping uglies (hardcore sex)? You gotta get close. Masks ruin the mood, and unless you’re going to stick to over-the-clothes rubbing and stuff, you gotta plan to get naked to have sex.

The irony is not lost on Japan’s population. One commenter on the Japan Today web site slyly remarked, “Are these supposed to be worn the normal way or pulled over the head for protection against coronavirus?”

This does not help the Olympic Committee’s case. They are already under fire for the immensely unpopular decision to not cancel the games. SCMP says “support for hosting the virus-postponed event remains low in Japan, with around 80 per cent of Japanese backing cancellation or further postponement.”

Yikes. It’s one thing for thousands of athletes to travel from around the globe to your country during a pandemic. It’s a whole other thing when you know they are having insane athlete sex all day and night long too.

How will this play out? Guess we’ll have to wait and see. All we know is that it’d be so cool to see Olympic athlete love-making. We imagine it’s like Cirque Du Soleil but with genitals.

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