Curiosity Has Been On Mars For 3,000 Days And We Bet That Little Freak’s Been Holding Out On Us Intel-Wise

by Tim K

MARS, SOLAR SYSTEM — Buckle up, Men’s Humor Believer Hive, because it’s time to celebrate an amazing anniversary: Per the BBC, The Mars rover Curiosity is about to celebrate its 3,000th day on Mars!

Hell yes! 3,000 days and counting on that big beautiful marble in the sky is a major accomplishment. At the same time, doesn’t it seem a little weird that Curiosity hasn’t given us any really juicy intel yet. Is Curiosity keeping all the super badass info about aliens and shit to himself?

We definitely think so! Now grab him and shake him around him around ’til he fesses up!   

Curiosity launched in 2012 to explore the Gale crater on Mars as part of NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission. Since landing on Mars, the rover has spent its days digging holes, taking samples, and sending photos back to earth.

Now, NASA is about to put another rover on Mars, named Perseverance.

That’s all really cool stuff. But it’s hard not to feel like Curiosity is being kind of a little bitch.

Just seems odd that in all of its time on Mars, this robot hasn’t reported anything about tiny spacemen, so small that they can’t even be seen with the human eye. Nor has it documented anything about finding a massive supercomputer standing alone in the middle of a barren red wasteland. A computer that’s left zero indication of who built it and why…. but still works, and, upon turning it on, flashes warnings in an alien language we do not understand… yet.

Considering that Curiosity has been on Mars for 3,000 days, you just gotta think it had to have found something like this by now, and is being a tight-lipped little asshole by not telling us!

I want to put that rover in a headlock! A really tight one, ’til he squeals!

Until we can get our grubby paws on that little fucker, though, I suppose we’ll all just have to take solace in knowing that – even though Curiosity is almost certainly holding out on us – it’s still pretty amazing that it’s made it 3,000 days in space. Congrats, robot!