When Robots Take Over The Earth, One Thing Is For Certain: They Will Love Doo-Wop Music

by Gorman

WALTHAM, MA — According to the Associated Press, Boston Dynamics recently released a YouTube video featuring not one, not two, not even three, but 4 robots that can dance. And this isn’t the generically awkward, swaying dance you see so often at a high school prom. No. This dancing is good. It’s very good.

You’ve got to hand it to the robots—they have impeccable taste, because they chose ‘Do you Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)’ by The Contours to prove to the world that they can, indeed, dance.

The video starts out coy, with just one robot absolutely impressing the hell out of the entire human race with its slick moves. One robot dancing pretty good would be enough to bring all of modern civilization to their knees, but at the 0:48 second mark, a second amazing dancing robot sashays on screen, with skills that would earn any soul lover’s respect.

Of course, the carnage doesn’t stop there, because at the 0:55 second mark the third robot waltzes onto the scene. Here’s the thing: this isn’t just any old Boston Robotics Atlas model humanoid robot. It’s a friggin’ dog robot that looks nothing like a dog, but also, somehow exactly like a dog.

It was at that moment all of humanity crumpled in fear, for we now know that robots will definitely inherit the earth, and they’ll do it while listening to the melodic choruses of classic songs like Lollipop, I’ll Be Forever Loving You, and Little Bitty Pretty One.

The coup de grâce is robot number four, the robot who, along with their army of talented robot friends, will destroy us all. This robot looks awesome. It’s like a giant wheeling groove machine and when it rolls into the video at the 1:27 mark (when the music crescendoes, dies out and then rockets right back in) you’ll know simultaneously that we’re all done for and it will be for the best. That robot’s name is Handle, and it’s designed for warehouse work.

The video released by Boston Dynamic features many classic dance moves highlighted in the song. The robots can mash potato. The robots can do the twist. And the robots do it all just the way we like. At least for now, until they take control of our whole planet, a prize they seem to absolutely deserve.