Me: Did you paint with purple paint today?— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2020
Me: Then why are you covered in purple?
4: *mysterious shrug*
How come when anyone in my family asks “what’s that smell?” they always look at me?— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) September 4, 2020
Seems a bit unfair sometimes. Not most times, just sometimes.
did you all know they sell those halloween size bags of candy year round? you can get one any time you don’t even need a reason— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) September 9, 2020
Oh good, it’s create your own percussion instruments from household items day in the elementary school online music class— Andrew Knott (@aknott21) September 10, 2020
Talking to a fellow dad today and asked him if he thinks he’ll have anymore kids and his literal answer was “I dunno we’ve got an extra bedroom in our house so I guess it makes sense”— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) September 10, 2020
Sure 2020 is bad, but have you ever been behind someone who doesn’t use their turn signal?— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) September 10, 2020
Anyone can be a dad. It takes a father to kick his kid square in the sack to demonstrate how an athletic cup works.— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) September 10, 2020
When I go to the bathroom my son says goodbye as if I’m leaving for the day. What can I say the kid gets me.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) September 8, 2020
Kid’s Zoom class is so much better than work Zoom meetings. They are all shouting out their 3rd favorite candy, one kid is shining a flashlight up her nose, and another kid is Iron Man.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 11, 2020