What’s the most hauntingly specific insult you’ve ever received? I once made a joke about Dennis Waterman’s dentures and a man wrote to tell me I was “obviously lonely”.

— Sarah Dempster (@Dempster2000) March 17, 2020

"Whenever I'm feeling cynical he makes me feel worse." - The best thing anyone has ever said about me

— David (@Flahute66) March 17, 2020

When I worked in a sports shop 100 years ago a child said I looked like ‘a weak Steve Collins’. This chap, but significantly atrophied pic.twitter.com/ZQ3ZeeqxdR

— Jonnie Baker (@MrJonnieB) March 17, 2020

A review once described me as having a ridiculous head with "a jaw like an Easter Island statue".

— Benet Brandreth QC (@benetbrandreth) March 17, 2020

“I think of you as a combination of Curly Watts and Rigsby.” From my mother.

— Dave Hollins (@HollinsHolly) March 17, 2020

A regular seeing me from out behind the bar for the first time, looks me up and down: you must never wear a hat, you will look like a mushroom.

— Lisa Solley (@VWGertrude) March 17, 2020

My ex once told me after I'd wet shaved my beard off that I looked like a foetus.

— 'Josh' (@jogules) March 17, 2020

I was in a pub and, as a group of people passed my table, one of them looked at me and then said to his friends: 'I might be a prick, but at least I won't go through life looking like Frodo.'

— Andy (@Lazarus22) March 17, 2020

I was once referred to as “the lowest form of humanity” in Ikea, Croydon.

— Hannah Williams (@flamingnora) March 17, 2020

A taxi driver once said to Kathy Burke, “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you look like that Kathy Burke.’

— Dean Charles (@DeanCha08184104) March 17, 2020

I had a disagreement with someone at work. They won the argument by calling me "a Welsh Alan Carr" before storming out.

— Christletoe & Webb (@chrisporkerwebb) March 17, 2020

Whilst at school, aged 16, a friend of mine told a younger kid of 11 that his Mum was fit.

Quick as a flash the 11 year old shouted back that “she doesn’t shag anybody with yellow teeth”.

— Socrates1882 (@Socrates1882) March 17, 2020

Apparently I had the personality of a ‘frozen Christmas Turkey’.

— Gaby Ellis ♿️ (@EllisGaby) March 17, 2020

I can't think of my worst received insult, but I did tell Sarah Huckabee Sanders, after one of her more poisonous jibes at Greta Thunberg, that calling someone out for their looks was a bit rich coming from someone who looked like a dog licking piss off a nettle.

— Akbar Fazel (@AkbarFazel) March 17, 2020

A friends dad had to go oversee a new work project in the north. The workers weren't thrilled with this London lot coming and and were giving him the silent treatment. A few days in one guy cut him off mid sentence and said "I bet you eat Muesli for breakfast."

— Sack Jugden (@JackSugden) March 17, 2020

“Dude! Check out the old chick in the mosh pit!” somebody yelled out at a Beck Concert....then I realized they were referring to me. 🤔

— Trump is Putin’s Golden Goose among Useful Idiots (@PDX_DianeS) March 17, 2020

Stupidly decided to read the comments section of a piece I was in ages ago and someone had written "I know this is a serious video but the guy looks like an older version of augustus gloop from tim burtons charlie and the chocolate factory" ... It's done wonders for my selfesteem

— Oliver Monaghan (@Ollie_Mon) March 17, 2020

A kid I don't even teach would not stop hassling me one day, had to tell him to leave as I was busy, they ended up calling me an Irish cow. I mean, I am Irish, but so very specific...

— Sio (@Wee_Sio) March 17, 2020

A workmate once said I look like Mr Burns who has been very ill

— Chris wheeler (@Chriswh30270174) March 17, 2020