25 Most Lip-Smackingly Hilarious Food Tweets for the Quintessential Foodie
It's important to have a healthy relationship with food because it nourishes our body and our mind. Drowning our woes in a tub of ice cream after a breakup, letting that burger sit beside us while we are too busy binge-watching Bridgerton, coming back to a bowl of spaghetti after a long day, or deciding to celebrate a win with that pile of pastries—food has seen us through the highs and lows of life.
Here are some of the most fatuously lip-smacking food tweets compiled for you to hog on with your dinner tonight. Let's keep aside food for thought for some other time and give some thought to food. (Reminder: Don't laugh too hard that you choke on your food. Chew properly and enjoy.)
1. Just eat, don't declare
Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 10, 2012
2. Obviously
People who think you can't be happy and sad at the same time have obviously never eaten all the cookies in the house in one sitting.
— Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 (@PinkCamoTO) February 10, 2016
3. I like to plan ahead for important things
Interviewer: what are your future plans?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 22, 2015
Me: lunch
Interviewer: I meant long term plans
Me: what, like dinner?
4. Pixie cheese
If I were Tinkerbell, my pixie dust would be shredded cheese.
— Aimee Helene (@AimeeHelene1) December 23, 2015
5. Why would you?
*calls up pizza place*
— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014
WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
6. Movies accompany popcorn
Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 12, 2016
7. Superpowers
I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn ice cream into breakfast.
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) June 25, 2012
8. Every thing is fair in love and war
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
Wife: But I only...
Me: EXACTLY the amount
9. Immediately... seasoned with fries
Waitress: what can I get for you?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) July 17, 2015
Me: i'll have the steak
W: how would you like it?
Me: immediately
10. Will killer
I suspect that low-carb diets work not because they are healthier, but because without carbs I simply lose the will to eat.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 5, 2015
11. Simple solutions
I just got cold while I was eating ice cream, so instead of stopping eating ice cream, I put on a jacket.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 3, 2016
12. Always room for dessert
WAITER: Room for dessert?
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) September 2, 2015
[flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts]
ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those.
13. Pretty smart
14. The best door to open
When one door closes, another one opens. And then closes. And then opens. It’s the fridge. It’s me in front of the fridge.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 22, 2015
15. Wonder what the word is
What's a 27-letter word for "Corn"? pic.twitter.com/lAyu5kKAEC
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) August 22, 2014
16. Legitimate reasons
Just choked on an apple seed. This is what I get for trying to eat healthy. Reese's Peanut Butter cups don't pull this shit.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 12, 2016
17. Cancel the friend
"I don't want a whole dessert, let's just get two spoons" - Former friends of mine.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 12, 2015
18. Awesome 9 year old
Just disassembled my sandwich and put chips on it in the middle of a business meeting like a 9-year-old. A totally awesome 9-year-old.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 4, 2016
19. Yup! Hate it
I hate when I try to order a salad and my mouth says, "I'll have a double Quarter Pounder with Cheese."
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 29, 2014
20. A good start
The closest I've been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history.
— Pauly Casillas (@PaulyPeligroso) April 20, 2014
21. Strengths = weaknesses
[INTERVIEW]
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) April 13, 2016
HR: What are your strengths?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
HR: Wow-Weaknesses?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
22. Better be sorry!
Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why
— moody monday (@mdob11) October 18, 2015
Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
23. Don't be rude
I wish you'd just tell me what I did wrong instead of ordering me a burrito without cheese.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 27, 2015
24. It's true though
"when people say different color bell peppers taste different"
— brent (@murrman5) July 29, 2015
[doctor nodding] I meant anything bothering you physically
25. Snacks are important
* Rides off into the sunset *
— Svenn Amish (@amishschool) July 31, 2014
* Rides back five minutes later because there weren't snacks *
25 funny food tweets to consume with dinner