Garnish your dinner tonight with these fun food tweets. Also, don't laugh so hard that you choke on your food.
It's important to have a healthy relationship with food because it nourishes our body and our mind. Drowning our woes in a tub of ice cream after a breakup, letting that burger sit beside us while we are too busy binge-watching Bridgerton, coming back to a bowl of spaghetti after a long day, or deciding to celebrate a win with that pile of pastries—food has seen us through the highs and lows of life.
Here are some of the most fatuously lip-smacking food tweets compiled for you to hog on with your dinner tonight. Let's keep aside food for thought for some other time and give some thought to food. (Reminder: Don't laugh too hard that you choke on your food. Chew properly and enjoy.)
Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) June 10, 2012
People who think you can't be happy and sad at the same time have obviously never eaten all the cookies in the house in one sitting.
— Northern Lights 🦖🐢🐸 (@PinkCamoTO) February 10, 2016
Interviewer: what are your future plans?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) April 22, 2015
Me: lunch
Interviewer: I meant long term plans
Me: what, like dinner?
If I were Tinkerbell, my pixie dust would be shredded cheese.
— Aimee Helene (@AimeeHelene1) December 23, 2015
*calls up pizza place*
— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) February 6, 2014
WHY WOULD YOU CUT MY PIZZA SO UNEVEN? IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TEAR MY FAMILY APART IT'S WORKING
Not sure if I actually like movies or just like looking at something while I eat popcorn.
— Noodles (@Dawn_M_) January 12, 2016
I can't turn water into wine, but I can turn ice cream into breakfast.
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) June 25, 2012
Me: Look, I love you, But I made exactly the amount of cheese & crackers I want to eat right now.
— keith (@tchrquotes) November 4, 2014
Wife: But I only...
Me: EXACTLY the amount
Waitress: what can I get for you?
— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) July 17, 2015
Me: i'll have the steak
W: how would you like it?
Me: immediately
I suspect that low-carb diets work not because they are healthier, but because without carbs I simply lose the will to eat.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) November 5, 2015
I just got cold while I was eating ice cream, so instead of stopping eating ice cream, I put on a jacket.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 3, 2016
WAITER: Room for dessert?
— Saucy Kensington (@Book_Krazy) September 2, 2015
[flashback to the room at home that hides all my desserts]
ME: [nervous laugh] Haha I don't have one of those.
When one door closes, another one opens. And then closes. And then opens. It’s the fridge. It’s me in front of the fridge.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 22, 2015
What's a 27-letter word for "Corn"? pic.twitter.com/lAyu5kKAEC
— Aaron Fullerton (@AaronFullerton) August 22, 2014
Just choked on an apple seed. This is what I get for trying to eat healthy. Reese's Peanut Butter cups don't pull this shit.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 12, 2016
"I don't want a whole dessert, let's just get two spoons" - Former friends of mine.
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) February 12, 2015
Just disassembled my sandwich and put chips on it in the middle of a business meeting like a 9-year-old. A totally awesome 9-year-old.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 4, 2016
I hate when I try to order a salad and my mouth says, "I'll have a double Quarter Pounder with Cheese."
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) April 29, 2014
The closest I've been to a diet this year is erasing food searches from my browser history.
— Pauly Casillas (@PaulyPeligroso) April 20, 2014
[INTERVIEW]
— The Cultured Ruffian (@CulturedRuffian) April 13, 2016
HR: What are your strengths?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
HR: Wow-Weaknesses?
Me:*pulls out & eats an entire pizza*
Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why
— moody monday (@mdob11) October 18, 2015
Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
I wish you'd just tell me what I did wrong instead of ordering me a burrito without cheese.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 27, 2015
"when people say different color bell peppers taste different"
— brent (@murrman5) July 29, 2015
[doctor nodding] I meant anything bothering you physically
* Rides off into the sunset *
— Svenn Amish (@amishschool) July 31, 2014
* Rides back five minutes later because there weren't snacks *
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