25 Times Kids Committed Little Crimes and Then Hilariously Ratted Themselves Out While Trying to Cover Them Up

When we're kids, we feel like the world is full of possibilities and that we are free to do anything and everything. The world could seem like an adventure through a child's eyes. For the parents who must trail them, this can also mean unplanned expenses, messes and countless facepalm moments. Internet users shared the most perplexing instances of children doing things they should not have done. Here are 25 documented times children's savage plans to conquer their world ended up becoming damn funny. These children completely denied having to do anything with it but in a way ratted their own selves out hilariously.
1. "I did not put butter in it"
I made my bed and found a half eaten stick of butter in it. When I asked my child if she put anything in mommy’s bed, she said “I did not put butter in it.” The mystery continues. More at 11.
— LL Cool Tweet (@LLcoooltweet) June 7, 2022
2. " My poop was a bit bigger than the cat's"
"When I was 4 I once needed to poop very badly. The bathroom was several steps away so I instead decided to poop in the cat's litter box which was right next to me. I saw that my poop was a bit bigger than the cat's so, in order to throw off suspicion, when my mom came back into the room I pointed at the poop and assured her I didn't do that, it was the cat's poop. Definitely not mine. Somehow she saw through my subterfuge." - u/regular_gonzalez
3. "It wasn't me"
when my son was three he learned how to write his name. it was the first thing he could write.
— Muni (@muni_d1) June 9, 2022
so he wrote it all over our walls.
then i said “why’d you do that?” and he said “it wasn’t me.”.
4. "We didn't go to Burger King!"
"When my sisters were 6 & 7, they were released from school early. As a treat, my mom took them to the then-new Burger King in town. She told them to not tell their dad. Later, as he arrived home, the younger sister proceeded to proudly tell dad with a smile, 'Daddy, we didn't go to Burger King!'" -u/haw35ome
5. No potatoes in the sock
Saw socks on my kiddos nightstand and noticed they were stuffed with something. I asked my daughter what was going on with the socks, & promptly replied "There are definitely not any potatoes in those socks" 😳
— Jennifer Cohen (she/her) (@mamam00se) June 9, 2022
Spoiler alert: There were *definitley* cooked potatoes in the socks.
6. Detective granny
"I was a pretty clever kid (I once successfully framed my baby brother for carving his name into the coffee table) but my mum, by all accounts, was not. One time, she decided that she wanted bangs, so she cut them and then VERY CAREFULLY cleaned away every single hair, perfectly covering up her crime. Then my grandma came home, took one look at her and immediately knew what she’d done. It took her years to figure out how she got busted immediately when she’d cleaned everything so carefully." -u/Hannoie
7. Just sniffing it
My stepson, age 3, face and hands covered in chocolate, standing in front of a tray from which one chocolate crackle cake was missing…
— Christine Seaforth Finch (she/her) OFMD era (@CSeaforthFinch) June 9, 2022
“I was just SNIFFING it!”
8. "Kids are weird"
"We used to wake up to little teeth marks in our butter, so one night my mom camped out in the living room. Lo and behold, my youngest brother, no older than 3 at the time, was getting up in the middle of the night, sneaking a bite of butter, and heading back to bed. Kids are weird." -u/flight-of-the-dragon
9. "I didn't touch that"
When my son was 3, he pushed the fire extinguisher and the kitchen filled up with a mist. My husband and I were freaking out — Where is it coming from? What is it? And the my son said, pointing to the fire extinguisher, “I didn’t touch that.” 😁
— Moira (@MotownMamaO) June 9, 2022
10. "You don't. Cut. Metal"
"My mom once came storming into my room, livid, holding a mangled quarter, and said, 'you don't. Cut. Metal.'
Here are two facts about me:
1.) I was in high school at the time. Way too old for whatever this was.
2.) I wasn't the destructive type at all.
Meanwhile, my younger sister was the right age to be doing random dumb shit and had a track record of keeping dead chipmunks in her sock drawer.
How I was suspect #1 for that, I'll never understand." -u/PreferredSelection
11. Scissors in the socket
When I was 7 & my parents returned from a family lunch they were met at the front door by my 6-y-o brother saying 'Mummy, Daddy, it wasn't me who stuck the metal scissors in the electric light socket.'
— Dominick Donald (@DominickGDonald) June 9, 2022
The babysitter had noticed neither the lights fusing nor my brother's scream.
12. "The strangers did it"
"My son once opened all of his Christmas presents while I was at work. When I asked him why he did it, he said, 'The strangers did it mommy. I told them not too!' I'm guessing the strangers were elves lmao lol. I have a video, I need to post it lol." -u/AwPushIt
13. Cat in the pool
I am told I did something similar at an early age. Showed up with a dripping wet cat in my arms and said “I did not throw the cat into the pool”. (Footnote: the “pool” was at most 6 inches deep)
— Katie (@Mulemagic) June 9, 2022
14. Not buying you a duck
"We bought our mom a wooden carved duck for her bday and it was obv a secret. We came back to our hotel room (we were on vacation) and mom asked what we were doing. I yelled 'definitely not buying you a duck.' Still think about how dumb I am." -u/bugenhagen15
15. What is it with kids and butter?
My three year old unwrapped a stick of butter and put it in the toilet one morning, lol. That was an interesting find when I went to use the bathroom 😆
— 𝕋𝔸ℝ𝔸 𝕊𝕋ℝ𝔸ℕ𝔾𝔼 🐳🐳 (@NVTaraStrange) June 9, 2022
16. "Big brain move"
"I stole a sip of beer as a child once and then ate a load of mints. I went up to my mother and told her I hadn’t had any beer and she could smell my breath …big brain move" -u/jackoirl
17. "Deny, deny, deny"
When I was 8ish I was allowed choc spread sandwiches after school twice a week. Once I sneaked an extra one. Mum asked me, I denied it.
— Bex Fur 🏴 (@bex_fur) June 9, 2022
She took me to a mirror, chocolate all up my cheeks.
I still denied it. It was my way. Deny, deny, deny.
18. That 'M'
"Lmaooo one time my sibling framed me for carving the letter M into their door. Their name starts with M and it was the door to their room. My name starts with D. I was grounded for like a week or two. I have no idea how they convinced my mom that I did it." -u/crataeguz
19. How did it get there?
2yo was eating a banana & wandered off. I found her & asked where the peel was. She told me “it ‘ppeared”. 🤔 Looked everywhere & finally found it in the toilet. She was right behind me & said “how’d that get in there??”
— Librarian SMH 🤦🏻♀️ (@usedtobeshelver) June 9, 2022
15 years later - I still don’t know how that got in there.
20. Didn't touch anything
"I kept ahem certain adult items stashed away in the cabinet under the bathroom sink. My daughter was like 5 at the time when one day she was in the bathroom with the door open. I happened to go check on her because she was taking a long time and I saw her close the cabinet door and stand up quickly. I asked her, 'What were you doing?' She goes 'I wasn't touching anything.' Those items were quickly relocated." -u/Drawtaru
21. Tire Slasher
That’s nothing. My 4 years old slashes tires. Unprompted 😇 i was so blessed with her 🙏🏽
— cookie dunkin’ goat fuck 🤠 (@lanadellindsey) June 9, 2022
22. "It was nobody"
"I was in one aisle stocking some drinks when I hear the cracking of a can in the next aisle. I go over there and just see some child going around the corner but I didn't really see how it looked. The can they opened was standing on the shelf and there was like half a sip taken out of it. About 2 minutes later a child walks by but I didn't really know whether it was him or not. I walk up to him and go like 'Hi, did you just open that can over there?' His answer: 'Nope, wasn't me, it was nobody.' At that point, I thought I ain't getting paid enough for this and left and wrote the whole shit off on store expenses" -u/SweatyBottomtext
23. Not pooing here
When our child was a toddler- still in a crib- we asked, “Whatcha doin’, baby?”
— Dr. Bonnie Cleaveland ☮️ (@CHSpolitico) June 9, 2022
Toddler: “I’m NOT making a poopie!” 💩
24. "Game on"
"My grand daughter walked into my office with a banana in her hand, left empty handed. Did she eat it? Where is the peel? Game on." -u/marriedguy40
25. "I didn't wee myself"
"Our 4 year old was helping my wife put ingredients into a bowl to bake some cookies. Apparently, she was having too much fun and waited too long to go to the bathroom and peed all over herself, the chair and soaked her socks and house shoes. We didn't notice until my wife picked up the bowl to take into the kitchen and our daughter blurted out, 'I don't have to go wee. I didn't wee myself.'
She's real smooth." -u/Kingshabaz