25 Best Gags to Keep In Your Back Pocket | “My Grandfather Has the Heart of Lion and a Lifetime Ban from the Zoo”

25 Best Gags to Keep In Your Back Pocket | “My Grandfather Has the Heart of Lion and a Lifetime Ban from the Zoo”
Cover Image Source: Pexels.com | Andrea Piacquadio

"What did the goldfish say when he swam into a wall? He said, 'Dam!'" We hope you laughed at this joke because we have planned a joke ride for you today. There's no particular reason, we just felt like it. After all, every day is a day to crack jokes and howl with laughter.


But when it comes to jokes, the list is never-ending. We have uncountable puns, jokes, satire and other forms of humor. Everyone who possesses a funny bone in their body can recall a variety of old-school gags, practical jokes, corny dad jokes and the mob-favorite one-liners. Jokes are meant to be funny and make you laugh. But factually, some of them fall so miserably flat that nobody picks them up. But some jokes are so top-notch we wonder how in the world they cracked us up so bad that our stomachs began to hurt.


Surprisingly, psychologists and scientists still struggle to understand why jokes make us laugh. See, this made us laugh, too. LOL! "It is difficult to define in a way. It may evoke the merest smile or explosive laughter; through words, actions, photos, films, etc.," per Scientific American. So while the experts are busy understanding the reason behind our laughs, let's scroll through a list of 25 jokes submitted on Reddit's r/AskReddit in response to user, u/MrMidnightDiamond's question, "What is your best joke?"  


1. LOL!

Guy trying to get hired at a farm and the farmer says, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" The guy says, "No, but once I told a donkey to f**k off."
-u/ Nackles

2. Police joke

Someone stole all the toilets from the police station. The police have nothing to go on.
- u/ AffectionatePanic

3. Another police joke

Wheels stolen from police cruisers. Police search tirelessly for suspects.
- u/ GivenToFly164

4. Uh oh!

A man goes into the doctor and says, "I think I have hearing problems." Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms? Man: Sure! Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair.
- u/ Stigofthedumpings

5. Holy Sh**! Talking fish

2 fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing"?
-u/ Loud-Vacation-711

6. Haha!

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- u/ sharrrper

7. Hehe!

I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.
- u/ shelledtortoise

8. OMG!

Yesterday I couldn’t figure out whether someone was waving at me or the person behind me.
In other news, I lost my lifeguard job.
-u/ kklewis18

9. Precisely

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
- u/ nick9000

10. Me trippin'

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day
-u/ Jakesta42

11. Brilliant

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people from Abu Dhabi do.
- u/ parker72001

12. And what pa[use]ws

Bear walks into a bar and says, “Can I have a………Coke?” Bartender says, “What’s with the big pause?” Bear says, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”
- u/ N8_Arsenal87

13. Good Lord!

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One weighs a ton and the other is a little lighter.
- u/ gajeeper1992

14. Got it?

A lady walks into a bar and orders a double-entendre, so the bartender gives it to her.
-u/ jugglervr

15. LMAO!

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
- u/ themysteryoflogic

16. Makes sense

How do you tell the gender of an ant?
Throw it in water. If it sinks, it’s girl ant but if it floats…
- u/ Nearby_Departure_119

17. Bang on!

How do you tell the gender of an ant?
They're all girls, otherwise they'd be "uncles."
-u/ ulyssessword

18. Mmmhmm

Do you know why divers fall backwards off the boat when they are diving?
Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat
- u/ Editor-Wise

19. Right

What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don’t call it, you go get it.
-u/ andrunlc

20. OK.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two but the hard part is getting them in there.
- u / smuggalo

21. Burn!!

Three men were in a boat and had four cigarettes but no lighter, so they threw one cigarette overboard, and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
- u/ Redditislanky

22. Bwahaha

Two whales are at a bar. On turns to the other and says, "BWWWWWHHHHHAAAARRRRRGGGHHH"(be loud with your best whale sound) The other whale looks at him and says. "Gimme your keys Frank, you're drunk!"
- u/ eli-in-the-sky

23. Hilarious!

What do you call an indecisive bee?
A maybee.
- u/ Pix3lPwnage

24. Ahan!

Why did the bird go to the gym?
To work on his pecks
- u/ brockthesock

25. OMFG!

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.
- u/ warrant2k

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 Handy gags to generate laughs in every situation