25 Best Gags to Keep In Your Back Pocket | “My Grandfather Has the Heart of Lion and a Lifetime Ban from the Zoo”

25 Best Gags to Keep In Your Back Pocket | “My Grandfather Has the Heart of Lion and a Lifetime Ban from the Zoo”
Cover Image Source: Pexels.com | Andrea Piacquadio

"What did the goldfish say when he swam into a wall? He said, 'Dam!'" We hope you laughed at this joke because we have planned a joke ride for you today. There's no particular reason, we just felt like it. After all, every day is a day to crack jokes and howl with laughter.

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But when it comes to jokes, the list is never-ending. We have uncountable puns, jokes, satire and other forms of humor. Everyone who possesses a funny bone in their body can recall a variety of old-school gags, practical jokes, corny dad jokes and the mob-favorite one-liners. Jokes are meant to be funny and make you laugh. But factually, some of them fall so miserably flat that nobody picks them up. But some jokes are so top-notch we wonder how in the world they cracked us up so bad that our stomachs began to hurt.

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Surprisingly, psychologists and scientists still struggle to understand why jokes make us laugh. See, this made us laugh, too. LOL! "It is difficult to define in a way. It may evoke the merest smile or explosive laughter; through words, actions, photos, films, etc.," per Scientific American. So while the experts are busy understanding the reason behind our laughs, let's scroll through a list of 25 jokes submitted on Reddit's r/AskReddit in response to user, u/MrMidnightDiamond's question, "What is your best joke?"  

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1. LOL!

Guy trying to get hired at a farm and the farmer says, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" The guy says, "No, but once I told a donkey to f**k off."
-u/ Nackles

2. Police joke

Someone stole all the toilets from the police station. The police have nothing to go on.
- u/ AffectionatePanic

3. Another police joke

Wheels stolen from police cruisers. Police search tirelessly for suspects.
- u/ GivenToFly164

4. Uh oh!

A man goes into the doctor and says, "I think I have hearing problems." Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms? Man: Sure! Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair.
- u/ Stigofthedumpings
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5. Holy Sh**! Talking fish

2 fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing"?
-u/ Loud-Vacation-711

6. Haha!

My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- u/ sharrrper

7. Hehe!

I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.
- u/ shelledtortoise

8. OMG!

Yesterday I couldn’t figure out whether someone was waving at me or the person behind me.
In other news, I lost my lifeguard job.
-u/ kklewis18

9. Precisely

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
- u/ nick9000

10. Me trippin'

I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day
-u/ Jakesta42
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11. Brilliant

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people from Abu Dhabi do.
- u/ parker72001

12. And what pa[use]ws

Bear walks into a bar and says, “Can I have a………Coke?” Bartender says, “What’s with the big pause?” Bear says, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”
- u/ N8_Arsenal87

13. Good Lord!

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One weighs a ton and the other is a little lighter.
- u/ gajeeper1992

14. Got it?

A lady walks into a bar and orders a double-entendre, so the bartender gives it to her.
-u/ jugglervr

15. LMAO!

What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
- u/ themysteryoflogic

16. Makes sense

How do you tell the gender of an ant?
Throw it in water. If it sinks, it’s girl ant but if it floats…
- u/ Nearby_Departure_119
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17. Bang on!

How do you tell the gender of an ant?
They're all girls, otherwise they'd be "uncles."
-u/ ulyssessword

18. Mmmhmm

Do you know why divers fall backwards off the boat when they are diving?
Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat
- u/ Editor-Wise

19. Right

What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don’t call it, you go get it.
-u/ andrunlc

20. OK.

How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two but the hard part is getting them in there.
- u / smuggalo

21. Burn!!

Three men were in a boat and had four cigarettes but no lighter, so they threw one cigarette overboard, and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
- u/ Redditislanky

22. Bwahaha

Two whales are at a bar. On turns to the other and says, "BWWWWWHHHHHAAAARRRRRGGGHHH"(be loud with your best whale sound) The other whale looks at him and says. "Gimme your keys Frank, you're drunk!"
- u/ eli-in-the-sky
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23. Hilarious!

What do you call an indecisive bee?
A maybee.
- u/ Pix3lPwnage

24. Ahan!

Why did the bird go to the gym?
To work on his pecks
- u/ brockthesock

25. OMFG!

A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.
Bah-dum-tss.
- u/ warrant2k
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 Handy gags to generate laughs in every situation