25 Best Gags to Keep In Your Back Pocket | “My Grandfather Has the Heart of Lion and a Lifetime Ban from the Zoo”
"What did the goldfish say when he swam into a wall? He said, 'Dam!'" We hope you laughed at this joke because we have planned a joke ride for you today. There's no particular reason, we just felt like it. After all, every day is a day to crack jokes and howl with laughter.
But when it comes to jokes, the list is never-ending. We have uncountable puns, jokes, satire and other forms of humor. Everyone who possesses a funny bone in their body can recall a variety of old-school gags, practical jokes, corny dad jokes and the mob-favorite one-liners. Jokes are meant to be funny and make you laugh. But factually, some of them fall so miserably flat that nobody picks them up. But some jokes are so top-notch we wonder how in the world they cracked us up so bad that our stomachs began to hurt.
Surprisingly, psychologists and scientists still struggle to understand why jokes make us laugh. See, this made us laugh, too. LOL! "It is difficult to define in a way. It may evoke the merest smile or explosive laughter; through words, actions, photos, films, etc.," per Scientific American. So while the experts are busy understanding the reason behind our laughs, let's scroll through a list of 25 jokes submitted on Reddit's r/AskReddit in response to user, u/MrMidnightDiamond's question, "What is your best joke?"
Guy trying to get hired at a farm and the farmer says, "Have you ever shoed a horse?" The guy says, "No, but once I told a donkey to f**k off."
2. Police joke
Someone stole all the toilets from the police station. The police have nothing to go on.
- u/ AffectionatePanic
3. Another police joke
Wheels stolen from police cruisers. Police search tirelessly for suspects.
- u/ GivenToFly164
4. Uh oh!
A man goes into the doctor and says, "I think I have hearing problems." Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms? Man: Sure! Homer's fat and Marge has blue hair.
- u/ Stigofthedumpings
5. Holy Sh**! Talking fish
2 fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing"?
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
- u/ sharrrper
I took the shell off my racing snail to make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.
- u/ shelledtortoise
Yesterday I couldn’t figure out whether someone was waving at me or the person behind me.
In other news, I lost my lifeguard job.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
- u/ nick9000
10. Me trippin'
I bought shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with but I’ve been tripping all day
What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people from Abu Dhabi do.
- u/ parker72001
12. And what pa[use]ws
Bear walks into a bar and says, “Can I have a………Coke?” Bartender says, “What’s with the big pause?” Bear says, “I don’t know, I was born with them.”
- u/ N8_Arsenal87
13. Good Lord!
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One weighs a ton and the other is a little lighter.
- u/ gajeeper1992
14. Got it?
A lady walks into a bar and orders a double-entendre, so the bartender gives it to her.
What has two butts and kills people? An assassin.
- u/ themysteryoflogic
16. Makes sense
How do you tell the gender of an ant?
Throw it in water. If it sinks, it’s girl ant but if it floats…
- u/ Nearby_Departure_119
17. Bang on!
How do you tell the gender of an ant?
They're all girls, otherwise they'd be "uncles."
Do you know why divers fall backwards off the boat when they are diving?
Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat
- u/ Editor-Wise
What do you call a dog with no legs?
You don’t call it, you go get it.
How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two but the hard part is getting them in there.
- u / smuggalo
Three men were in a boat and had four cigarettes but no lighter, so they threw one cigarette overboard, and the whole boat became a cigarette lighter.
- u/ Redditislanky
Two whales are at a bar. On turns to the other and says, "BWWWWWHHHHHAAAARRRRRGGGHHH"(be loud with your best whale sound) The other whale looks at him and says. "Gimme your keys Frank, you're drunk!"
- u/ eli-in-the-sky
What do you call an indecisive bee?
- u/ Pix3lPwnage
Why did the bird go to the gym?
To work on his pecks
- u/ brockthesock
A sheep, a drum and a snake fall off a cliff.
- u/ warrant2k