Blow Jobs Can Kill, Reports The FUN POLICE

by Danny Tornado

Batten down the hatches, folks, because the fun police (scientists) are at it again! According to a story on yahoo news “a new study published online in CANCER, a peer-reviewed journal of the American Cancer Society, has concluded that certain sex habits can increase your chances of getting cancer.” Which certain sex acts, you ask? Ummm, only one of the top 10 best ones: oral sex.

First they came for our cigarettes and we said nothing. Then they came for our blow jobs. What’s next? HJs? This madness has to end!

The study find, unsurprisingly, that the more blow jobs you give, the more likely you are to get cancer..but like MUCH more likely. 4 times more likely! Yahoo news writes “those with more than 10 prior oral sex partners had a 4.3-times greater likelihood of having HPV-related oropharyngeal cancer.” HPV, you piece of shit, stop fucking around with our sex lives!

The report goes on to specify that blow jobs on their own will not lead to cancer, it’s just if you do it a lot. Additionally, “having oral sex at a younger age, more partners in a shorter time period (oral sex intensity), individuals who had older sexual partners when they were young, and those with partners who had extramarital sex were more likely to have HPV-related oropharyngeal cancer.” Thanks, scientists.

Eagle eyed readers may recall the link between oral sex and throat cancer first caught public attention when Michael Douglas announced that he had gotten cancer from being awesome. While this news is not good (we love you, Mikey D!) it was important for spreading awareness of the risks of HPV and the correlation between being a king and getting throat cancer. No risk, no reward, we suppose.

Protect Yourself From Blow Jobs

So what can we do!? We can’t stop giving and receiving the ol’ third base business, because that’s just plain ridiculous. What you CAN do is get the HPV vaccine and focus on preventative measures, like using dental dams. Safe sex can be annoying, but it’s also amazing and totally tits. We’re all for it. There’s no way in hell we’re going to stop having awesome sex, but we can be kind to our partners by putting their safety first. Also, don’t cheat on your spouse. Or if you do, let them know?

Want more news about the wonders of human sexuality and treating your partner with respect? Click here!

MensHumor.com