Italian Mobsters Will Face Trial, Their Nicknames Are Absolutely Incredible

by Mad Dog

SICILY — If you thought you had cool nicknames for your friends, get ready to be blown away by the awesome nicknames coming out of the Italian mob. According to The Sun, 435 Italian mobsters are about to face the wrath of the Italian legal system, and every single one of them has a nickname that is absolutely incredible.

The Uncle, The Wolf, Fatty, Big Nose, Blondie, Sweetie, Little Goat, The Wringer, Leg Of Lamb, and Barron are all real nicknames included in the indictments of these violent criminals.

The highest profile defendant in the case is the man known as “The Uncle,” who is responsible for the deaths of dozens of people.

In fact, there are so many people in this indictment (over 1,000), Italy doesn’t know how to hold a trial for everyone while still respecting COVID-19 lockdown protocol.

This is going to be one crazy Zoom call!

The lead prosecutor on the case is nervous for the upcoming trial as well. “You need to have broad shoulders and nerves of steel,” he told Sky News. “Stay calm and do not get caught up in emotion or tension…rationalize every emotion because the goal is important and fundamental. It is always worth doing what you believe in. Sacrifices are made if you believe that you are on the right side and that you are doing something useful to the community.”

Now, these guys are obviously criminals. But we love that for them. Especially when they have such awesome and hilarious nicknames. In fact, we have written some nicknames of our own that we hope they have.

Some nicknames we hope the Italians have:

  1. Dollar General
  2. Mister Steal Yo Focaccia
  3. Butthole Guy
  4. Barack Obama
  5. Azargoth The Underworld Punisher
  6. Subway’s Chipotle Steak N’ Cheese Slider
  7. Cory
  8. Torgul
  9. Nutsack The Buttsack
  10. Mohammed Al-Zawhiri