New Orleans Residents Find Safe Ways To Get Shit-Faced For Mardi Gras During COVID-19

by Danny Tornado

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA — Due to the ongoing Coronavirus epidemic, we’ve been forced to give up many fun public events. Concerts, parties, Bar and Bat mitzvahs are all being postponed or cancelled. This would be real tragic news for citizens of New Orleans and their annual Mardi Gras event, but don’t be too quick to underestimate the industrious and creative people of this remarkable city. According to the Associated Press, the people and institutions of Nola are already finding ways to keep the party going while staying safe.

You know what that means? They’re still going to get absolutely tanked this winter. You just can’t stop this city.

A Different Kind Of Mardi Gras

The club Krewe de Jeanne d’Arc found a way to tweak their usual parade through the French Quarter. It’s pretty brilliant. Instead of a parade, they hosted a “Tableaux de Jeanne d’Arc” a sort of living picture book where onlookers could drive past performers dressed up as knights and kings. This event is designed to celebrate the life of Joan Of Arc.

And get sloshed to shit of course. But maybe after you soak up the scenes.

A Group called The Phunny Phorty Phellows usually have a costumed party on a street car. They’re keeping the street car, but attendees are now going to enjoy the festivities spaced out along a car route. Then they will get drunk, as is their duty.

More Ways To Celebrate

We’re sure Mardi Gras lovers will come up with plenty of other ways to celebrate and get bombed. Mardi Gras begins on Fat Tuesday, January 6th and ends the day before Ash Wednesday. Here are a few more suggestions of innovative ways to celebrate this year.

• Disinfect Mardi Gras beads and throw them in an envelope. Mail that envelope to a friend. Then get drunk.

• Get dressed up and Zoom party with your friends while guzzling booze.

• Dress up some squirrels and hold a Mardi Gras rodent parade in your back yard. Get intoxicated.

Those are just a few ideas, but the possibilities are truly endless. Just remember your hand sanitizer is alcohol for your hands, not for your belly and you should be good to go.

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