Sign Us Up! This City Will Pay You $100,000 To Abandon Your Family And Start A New One

by Tom Limo

SOUTH, KOREA –  Excuse me, everyone, if I could have the romantics’ attention for a moment? In an attempt to stem the tide in their declining population, a South Korean city just passed a policy that will pay you up to $100,000 to have kids, according to  

Now THIS is some excellent news for those of us ready to find love and have tons of children with someone other than our current spouses!  

According to media reports, Changwon, the capital of South Gyeongsang Province, is offering up to $100,000 to parents who have at least three children.  

The new policy grants loans of 100 million South Korean won – or about $92,000 – to pay all married couples residing in the city. You, your mistress, and almost $100k? Yeah, that’s the dream.

If the couple gives birth to one child, the interest on the loan would be waived. For two children, 30% of the loan principal would be forgiven. Not bad! Especially when you consider that you won’t be taking care of the kids you have now anymore.

And finally, the jackpot: If a family has three children, the ENTIRE loan is forgiven or becomes a grant. No rules about raising them well or caring about them after you birth ’em. Manageable, methinks!

Absolutely amazing. This is so cool for people out there who’ve finally found themselves in a position in life to seriously consider finding a soulmate and having children. When you really think about the state of the world right now, it’s pretty rough out there. People are having a hard time. Things can look pretty bleak…

…And then something like THIS happens, totally giving people the kick in the butt they need to really buckle down and focus on finding that perfect, new soulmate who’ll take care of you when you’re old and your breathing is all fucked up — not to mention new kids who you can raise better by avoiding the mistakes you made with your first family!

Oh, and if the loving relationships alone aren’t enough of a draw…well, you get PAID! Money, South Korean singles, and a whole lot of kids. Wow.

So what are you waiting for, Romeos? It’s time to get out there and meet your life partner ASAP! This offer is just too sweet to pass up. I wish I could go, but I’m afraid my wife will hurt me if she catches me trying to ditch our family. She is very strong!

Now if only someone was willing to pay you for 18 years to drive a needlessly lavish Benz.