Your Balls Are A Goldmine: The Cost Of Sperm Is Skyrocketing

by Mad Dog

NEW YORK CITY, NY—If you’re one of the one hundred fifty million Americans who is a man that produces sperm, we have amazing news for you, your balls could be worth a ton of money. Yup, you’re sitting on gold, literally. According to The New York Times, the cost of sperm is skyrocketing as demand for donors during the pandemic is through the roof.

And it gets even better. There are apparently men out there who are called “Sperm Kings” who are driving all across the country to donate their sperm to women who would like to get pregnant during the pandemic.

Uh, sign us up!

In fact, according to the New York Times, you could even sell your sperm for up to 5,000 dollars per month right now. And you may be wondering, why would someone want to be a Sperm King and drive all over the nation to sell their sperm. Well, The New York Times actually sat down with some of these men to get the answer.

“I have a strong desire to know my genes have been passed on,” one Sperm King said. “Like many of us, I’m not in a position to do so at the moment nor do I foresee this is in the near future. I have this vision of me being in my 50s and 60s, and I have a large dinner table, and I’m inviting all my donor kids to join me for dinner.”

Wow that actually does sound pretty nice. As long as you’re cooking up some chicken and potatoes and maybe even a hamburger or two, we’d like to come over and join that party as well.