The beauty industry is nearly impossible to navigate even for the most educated makeup artists. It’s truly not for the faint of heart to willingly shop at a makeup store.
There are millions of different primers, foundations, moundations, toundations, and crowndations. Don’t even get me started with a matte or shiny setting spray. This article is going to show that it should be illegal to send someone who doesn’t know anything about makeup or beauty into one of these stores alone (cough, boyfriends, brothers, and dads).
It’s Emotionally And Physically Draining
For a dude, going into the mall is hard enough. I don’t know what it is, but as soon as you step through those doors and see your first American Eagle store, your body just shuts down.
For a girl, the only way to get that energy back up is to go into a makeup store. But, for men, the makeup store just drains you even more. It’s a horrible experience.
This is a life lesson that we can learn from this dad. There’s no point risking getting the wrong lashes when you can just FaceTime your daughter and double check.
If he would’ve come home with the wrong lashes, all hell would’ve broken loose. That house would’ve turned into an episode of Jerry Springer so quickly. Their neighbors would’ve been at their fences chanting “JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!” and it wouldn’t be good.
A Slight Burn Incoming
As you probably know, the world of makeup is a language harder to learn than Cantonese. It’s not only long and drawn out, but there are many meanings for the same thing.
Imagine a language where every letter looks the exact same, but they’re drastically different. That’s makeup. It’s not a surprise that this dad spoke HIS language and decided to go out and buy Lysol wipes instead of makeup wipes. They’re both wipes. They both wipe.
Is He Wrong?
Can we just talk about tights for a second? What are they? Seriously? It would be like a dude asking his girl to go and buy him some “loose.” What does that even mean?
It’s the way something fits, not an actual article of clothing. So, is he really all that wrong to come back with these nylon socks? They’re exactly what you wanted, tight. We need much more direction than that.
Practical And Stylish
Would you expect anything different from your dad? These things are what dreams are made of in dad-heaven. Not only are they incredibly practical to wear around, but they look stylish too.
Flip flops are so last decade. We’re now back on the straps because people are coming back to the realization that comfort needs to be a priority again. You can’t sprint in slide-ons like you can sprint in these bad boys.
Have You Talked To Your Kids About Eyelash Glue?
There are two parts to this concern. First of all, yes, if you didn’t take one little sniff of glue when you were in middle school, you missed out. It has a great smell, in fact, it’s kind of addicting so I can maybe see why her parents were concerned.
On the other hand, there’s no reason for the concern considering eyelash glue is KNOWN to be the worst smelling. It takes all the fun out of it.
How’d That Taste?
Okay, this daughter must be an (almost) serial killer. Why? Because there’s no reason to put lush face mask cream, or whatever you call it, in the fridge next to the Ketchup.
Obviously, dad is going to see this and think it’s a new Mexican salsa that he needs to try. I’m going to go out on a limb and say that this tasted anything but like a Mexican salsa.
A Little DIY Never Hurt Anybody
The key to happiness and success is resource management. This is often overlooked for money and fame. But, if you can make the most out of what you have, it’s all smooth sailing.
This dad did a little DIY boot making for his daughter. No, it’s probably not exactly what she wanted, but they sure do look, uh, interesting. I hope these come with a free month of line dancing lessons.
Well That’s Just Silly
Can we just talk about how fun Silly Putty was? Can we also talk about how dangerous it was, and how many articles of clothing it ruined? Not only could you turn it into a bouncy ball to whip at your younger siblings, but you could also leave it in your pants pocket for a night and ruin your favorite clothes.
I wouldn’t put it past someone like Lady Gaga to turn Silly Putty into some sort of makeup revolution.
This is brilliant, Ben. You’re doing God’s work here. You could be a millionaire if you followed through with this idea. These hair samples could be eye curtains.
If you glue those onto your eyelashes, they will perfectly fall in front of your eye, protecting it from the sun. Not only are they cooler looking than sunglasses, but they’re also more effective. If you think that any sunlight is getting through those babies, you’re wrong.
There Needs To Be More Direction
If you’re a girl, and you’re thinking about sending your dad or brother or boyfriend to the makeup store, please give as detailed instructions as possible.
Like, we want directions that layout every single step we take when we enter that Sephora. I want to know that employee Jenny will probably be in the far corner rearranging lipstick. I want to know that after six steps into the store, Martha will approach me from the southwest and ask if I need help.
Well, Is He Wrong?
I was today years old when I found out that there were different face washes for different skin types. Wait, what even is a different skin type? Does it mean acne or no acne? Is it rough or smooth?
I guess saying that your skin type is “soft” is against girl code? Heck, just get him the cheapest one and he’ll probably be just fine. There’s no need to get the Lamborghini of face wash, he won’t appreciate it.
That’s 100% The Case
It’s absolutely absurd how much it costs to buy makeup. That stuff is so expensive, especially when you’re the boyfriend having to buy a lot of that stuff.
This boyfriend is 100% right with his strategy. Encourage the natural look at all costs. Not only do you end up saving money, but you also don’t have to go and spend the 13 hours in the Sephora store just to walk out with a few free samples.
No Room For Error
He did the right thing. Well, first of all, this dad must be loaded. If you’ve ever seen the prices on makeup, you know you basically have to mortgage your house just to buy a lip liner.
This dad made sure that he covered all of the bases and bought all of the foundation. He would rather put a hole in his wallet than have a hole in his daughter’s heart. Iconic.
The Pettiness Never Ends
If you can’t read the note, it says ” Do you think these will last you until tomorrow?” Man, he went all out in order to make a point about makeup wipes and razors.
Not only did he buy her the sufficient amount, he bought her ten times that. Also, he made a point of making it into a little spectacle for her to come home to. I like it all.
Sharpie’s New Lipliner
Well, Rohima, I regret to inform you that your lip liner looks exactly like a Sharpie. It’s horrible. The packaging for makeup right now is so extravagant and extra that sometimes you can mistake a blush package for a tall vente green tea latte.
But yes, that lip liner was probably about $700 just for a sample size. Let’s just hope that he wasn’t writing a grocery list or something because that’d be one expensive trip to the store.
Don’t You Dare Touch My Glossier
So for all the guys out there that don’t know, Glossier makes a cleanser that softens your facial skin. Did I know that before? No. Did I have to Google it just now? Yes.
Anyway, this stuff is pretty expensive and apparently used on dry skin to dissolve makeup on your face. It also says in the ingredients have “jelly” in them. So, maybe it’s so expensive because it doubles as a bread spread too?
Laziness 1, Men 0
This is a quick look at the laziness of men. We go through life trying to take as little steps as possible while also somehow making moves in our career (and sometimes the gym).
This guy was so lazy that he decided to drink thermal water to stay hydrated and live instead of going down to the kitchen. For anyone who has attempted to drink thermal water, you know that it tastes like, well, try it for yourself. It’s nasty.
This Actually Makes Sense
Here’s the thought process behind using makeup wipes for our shoes. We figure that these wipes have to be heavy-duty because of all the chemicals it has to take off of a girl’s face.
Like, a lot of girls look like they have 17 layers of makeup on, all of which are different shades and chemicals. God forbid we don’t know the difference between a concealer and a foundation. By the way, makeup wipes work on everything, from shoes to kitchen counters.
Just Do It Yourself
It’s really funny that girls trust guys enough to go out and buy their makeup. We aren’t all James Charles or Jeffree Starr. Makeup is basically another language that we don’t speak.
Also, on a more basic level, we ALWAYS screw up shopping in general. This guy went out to buy a rug and ended up with a piece of paper that’s the size of a shriveled rat. Just do it yourself girls.