"My two favorite things in life are being with my kids and not being with my kids," said one parent. Other parents would agree.
Kids say and do the darndest things and often parents do not have a shoulder to cry on. But they have full freedom to rant about their woes of raising kids on the internet, which they often do with entertaining results.
Truth be told, raising kids is equal parts fun and equal parts pain. When you are new to parenting, sleep becomes a rarity and you always find the house in a mess despite cleaning it for the hundredth time. Besides, kids are a great source of comedy on most days. Here are 25 rib-tickling tweets from parents who deserve a break and have taken to Twitter to share their daily parenting battles:
What doesn't kill you wakes you up at 5 am asking for cereal and Peppa Pig.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) August 4, 2021
This past weekend I moved to another country, and people are like “omg! So jealous! You live in paradise, now you can relax!” And it’s like I’m sorry there seems to have been some miscommunication I still brought my kids with me so no.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) August 16, 2021
Somewhere between asking me for a banana and me giving him the banana, 4 decided he didn’t like bananas anymore
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 3, 2021
Every single parent in the history of kid’s birthday parties who was offered a slice of pizza and declined really wanted that pizza.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 5, 2021
My 7yo wanted me to be her child when playing house, so I begged her for snacks and made her watch my "cool tricks," and within a few minutes, she sent me to my room so she wouldn't have to deal with me.
— Raw Motherhood (@MetteAngerhofer) August 12, 2021
My son has a shirt that says, “my dad can beat up your dad,” and honestly I don’t like the pressure
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) August 25, 2021
Me: In my day, we didn’t have social mediaMy kid: In your day, Jurassic Park was a documentary
— The Dad (@thedad) August 19, 2021
My two favorite things in life are being with my kids and not being with my kids.
— The Spicy Disaster Mama (@spicydisasterma) August 12, 2021
Welcome to parenting. People who actually eat dirt will now criticize your cooking.
— The Nefarious A-Aron (@deeprocktees) August 16, 2021
My kids love playing pretend. My 9yo pretends to be a dinosaur and my 13yo pretends she doesn’t know us.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) August 3, 2021
ME AS A KID: i wish i was an adult so i could do whatever i wantME AS AN ADULT: i wish i was a kid so i could do whatever i want
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 18, 2021
When people say that my son looks just like me, my wife always says “doctors say there’s nothing they can do.”
— The Dad (@thedad) August 22, 2021
6YO: Can I eat a cookie?Me: Finish your dinner first6YO: My stomach is full except for a circle shaped space
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 2, 2021
Son: dad can I get tiktok?
— The Dad (@thedad) August 18, 2021
Me: omg *whispering to wife* at his age shouldn't he be calling it a clock by now
my three year old daughter told me she used the potty and I accidentally said “yessss bitch!” and held out my hand for a high five
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) August 16, 2021
Welcome to parenting. You have now become Kid’s Name’s Mom in everyone’s phone.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) August 16, 2021
I'm not saying my kids come to me for everything but if I was on fire & my husband was 10 feet away, they'd still ask me for a snack.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 3, 2021
Parenting is telling your kid they can’t have a cookie before bed knowing full well you’ll have an entire sleeve of cookies after they go to bed.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 13, 2021
My 6-year-old recently learned about nutrition and now whenever he wants a snack, he comes up behind me and whispers in my ear, “I need food to survive.”
— Kiss my Fat Ash🍑 (@Tobi_Is_Fab) August 5, 2021
I asked the kids if there was anything they wanted from the grocery store and the first thing my daughter asked was, “how is our cheese situation”
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) August 19, 2021
My 7yo made breakfast* for himself and his younger brother, I'm so proud *opened popsicles
— meghan (@deloisivete) February 5, 2023
I have a rule in my home that my children are allowed to say one cuss word a day but they have to do it in a shrek voice and use it in context of something shrek would yell. So daily I hear my 4 year old yell “get out me fuckin swamp”
— Teddy (@That1teddygirl) February 6, 2023
Parenting is cool because:
— Aubrey Hirsch (@aubreyhirsch) February 8, 2023
-it’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done
-the stakes are the highest they’ve ever been
-no one can tell you how to do it
-you have to make a million choices every day
-there’s no way to ever know if any of them were correct
-socks just constantly vanish
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