Money is one of the most stressful factors to navigate in a relationship, and it’s consistently cited as a reason for divorce and the breaking up of long-term relationships. Whether you’re dealing with different spending philosophies around money, you come from different socio-economic classes, or one partner feels tired of always footing the bill, it’s sadly all too easy for money to place an emotional wedge between otherwise loving partners.
Nonetheless, like most relationship issues, it’s always healthiest to communicate about money differences head-on, rather than beat around the bush and let resentments or misunderstandings grow.
In a recent post on the subreddit Am I The Asshole, a guy posted about his financial concerns with his girlfriend, and it hugely backfired on multiple levels.
“WIBTA if I tell my girlfriend she needs to bring her own food to my house and pay for the food she has eaten?”
He started off his post by clarifying how much he loves his girlfriend, and that she’s been an incredibly generous partner both financially and emotionally.
“I want to start off by saying I love my girlfriend and I’m scared that if I give her this rule or expectation it will make her feel unwelcome at my home. We have been dating for awhile now and she’s always been courteous in asking to eat or use my stuff, she doesn’t eat much so I always gave her the okay. After she had spent a week at my place I told her she doesn’t have to ask me to eat my food on day 3 since she would always ask before she ate, she doesn’t eat much since she’s smaller but I didn’t take into account that a handful of granola, a bowl of yogurt, and a banana every day would stack up after awhile.”
Regardless of her generosity, and the fact that she “doesn’t eat much,” OP went on to write that he’s tempted to make a rule that she bring her own food to his apartment, or pay for the food she eats while visiting.
“She left my place after the stay and now every time she comes and stays for a period of time she eats my food. I feel bad for wanting her to start buying her own groceries to keep at my place since she consistently takes me out for food, buys me clothes, contributes to groceries when we cook, and keeps my weed supply full. I can’t comfortably afford to be feeding one and a half me’s so often though since she’s here at minimum 2 days a week.”
He admitted she pays for more in the relationship (and also works more and makes more money), but wrote that he can’t afford to share granola and bananas the multiple days a week that she visits.
“She has brought up in the past the fact that she feels I don’t take her out enough but we have a quiet understanding that she makes more than me since she works 5-6 days a week and I work 3 (not by my choice). I feel like she contributes a lot monetarily to the relationship and in terms makes her feel like she contributes more emotionally in the relationship because she’s always making sure I’m taken care of and comfortable.”
He then ended his post by asking the internet if he should just “suck it up” or if it’s reasonable to ask her to pay for the food she eats at his place.
“I don’t know if I should just suck it up because she’s not taking much from me and if I’d be wrong or an asshole to expect someone who gives so much to give me more. WIBTA?”
People online were quick to chime in with their opinions, all of which called him out for being a selfish partner.
SoMuchMoreEagle quoted OP’s words back to him to make a point.
she consistently takes me out for food, buys me clothes, contributes to groceries when we cook, and keeps my weed supply full.
It sounds like she’s giving far more than she’s taking. If you want her to buy her own food to keep at your house, then you should pay 50% of the time when you guys go out, buy all your own clothes, and pay for the weed you smoke.”
IAmTheNightSoil called OP ungrateful.
“Incredibly ungrateful. Women who will take you out to dinner and buy you new clothes and keep your weed jar full don’t come around that often. OP may not find another lady like that. He blew it hard.”
avocado__dip thinks OP’s girlfriend could do better.
she consistently takes me out for food, buys me clothes, contributes to groceries when we cook, and keeps my weed supply full
“She contributes plenty of money and you’re getting pissy over a few granola bars?
we have a quiet understanding that she makes more than me since she works 5-6 days a week and I work 3
“So you’re expecting her to pay more just because she works more than you? You sound like you’re leeching off of her.”
Start paying for your own damn weed then.”
smitbrid also called out how uneven the relationship is.
“Aside from the weed, this woman sounds more like his mom than his gf.”
Apparently, the girlfriend agreed with the rest of the internet, because she found the post and promptly dumped him.
“Edit: wow. I think making this post was one of the single most worst decisions of my life. My gf uses reddit and by sheer coincidence found this post, thought “haha this reminds me of me and JoyceManner!”, saw my username, made the connection, and broke up with me. All within 20 minutes of making this post! She thought there was underlying issues in our relationship and me being a cheap asshole was the last straw that broke the camel’s back.
Tl;dr: I am the asshole.”