Here’s some kickass news for anyone who’s been in the mood for a 36-year-old dude to do really well in an NBA game: Carmelo Anthony turned in an absolutely vintage Melo performance last night — especially in the 4th quarter — and led his Portland Trailblazers to win.
Damn!!! How’s that feel, Tom Brady? You just lost the old-guy-weirdly-still-playing-sports throne! Yes!
If you missed the game last night, let’s give you a quick update:
ICYMI, Melo Did THIS Last Night… [It Was A 10:00 P.M. (EST) Game Because It Was In Portland, So Totally Understandable If You Went To Bed By Then, Or Maybe Watched The First Half And Then Called It A Night. Getting As Close As You Can To 8 Hours A Night Is Actually Really Important, Especially For Long-Term Health, Research Shows It Could Even Stave Off Dementia, Which Is Great]
Carmelo Anthony started out the fourth quarter aflame, hitting 3 three-pointers and a long two, brining teammates off the bench with leaps of joy. That staked Portland to a 5-point lead. Then ‘Melo kept scoring…and scoring…and scoring. His juices were flowing on the defensive end as well. Portland still led heading into crunch time. But Philly knew where they wanted to score: at the rim. Between Embiid and Ben Simmons, they had the size to do it. Damian Lillard remained scoreless through most of the quarter, and Anthony cooled down. This let Philly sneak back in it with their rim attack. The game was tied with 2:30 remaining. Trent, Jr, hit a three, then Kanter drew an offensive foul on Embiid, opening the door a crack. Lillard hitting a jumper in the lane widened it. Portland led by 5 heading into the final 90 seconds. Embiid cut it to 3 with a minute left, then Seth Curry hit a three. 22.1 seconds remaining and the game was tied. The Blazers had the ball with 5 seconds remaining. Anthony got the rock and drew a blocking foul for free throws, which he hit, capping off a 17-point period. Philly had the last shot with 3.1 remaining. They never got the chance. Robert Covington poked away the ball and Lillard hit the icing free throws to secure the victory.
So where you at now, Tom Brady? Now that you’re not the top old, and are, in fact, just some regular very wealthy old guy who’s NOT in the news cycle, or at least not as much as Melo today?
Fuck you, asshole!
And obviously Twitter didn’t hold back from celebrating The New Top Old Man Athlete Who’s Still Playing, Even Though His Competition Is 19-Year-Olds Sometimes And The Contrast Looks Pretty Weird:
Check Out Twitter!
Congrats, Melo! Here’s to hoping that you can pull off even more old guy feats like this sometime soon! Thank you! Goodbye!