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[CONNECTICUT, UNITED STATES] – UConn Basketball fans are used to success. The university’s men’s and women’s basketball teams have won countless NCAA…

NOTE: That other “original” GNR guitarist WILL NOT be mentioned by name in this article! Traitor! Fuck that guy and his whole weird look he’s going for!

We’ve been waiting all year, Baldies, and now it is finally our time!

Born in Rosenheim, Germany, on June 13, 1939, Siegfried would go on to watch a 380-pound tiger named Mantecore sinks its teeth into a guy’s neck in 2003. RIP.

Why didn’t they write that shit down or memorize it?

Leave James alone!

Iguanas have been running around like a bunch of spazzes for too long! Now SIT down on the ground! Cool it!

Every other man in the Royal family has either been bald or had the same standard, all-the-same-length haircut that most little kids have!

Yeah… and people wonder why I prefer chilling with my dudes WITHOUT cell phones. SMH. It’s almost like we’ve FORGOTTEN how to conversate. SMH.

It feels like a gorilla would rip your head off if you tried that. Like, clean off. No problem.