WASHINGTON TOWNSHIP, NEW JERSEY – Police in New Jersey were called to a local McDonald’s yesterday after a flock of wild chickens started attacking customers in the fast food chain’s parking lot. While we don’t often like to cover acts of violence on menshumor.com, often opting for more uplifting stories, it would be a disservice to our readers not to cover the crime that occurred yesterday at that New Jersey McDonald’s.
When police officers arrived at the scene, two chickens were allegedly found wreaking “havoc” in the McDonald’s parking lot, “harassing and chasing customers and pecking at car tires,” according to officers. Lucky for the victims of this horrible chicken attack, the suspects were quickly apprehended.
Sickening. Absolutely sickening. It’s almost as if these chickens don’t realize their actions have consequences.
“We cannot confirm at this time if they were targeting specific customers (with chicken nuggets and sandwiches in hand) or random customers,” the police department’s tongue-in-cheek statement said. While we appreciate a bit of levity from time to time, we can’t help but call out this police department for not taking this situation seriously. We appreciate the department’s efforts to apprehend the two suspects, but this is no laughing matter to us.
According to authorities, the two criminals will be housed in the shelter for seven days before being available for adoption if their careless owner does not come forward. We dare this thoughtless individual to come forward and claim their birds, because if they don’t, we’ll be on the first flight to New Jersey in seven days to teach these two criminals a lesson.
Justice cannot wait. Lives are at stake.