Jamaica Has A Marijuana Shortage, So If Any Other Countries Wanna Become The New Weed Country, Now’s Your Chance!

by Tim K

Now here’s a major opportunity for all those boring countries out there who don’t have a cool identity yet: Jamaica is experiencing a marijuana shortage, which means that now’s the time to strike for all you lame countries who don’t really have a set thing of your own!

Damn! Who’s the new weed country gonna be? Poland? Bosnia? Maybe one we never really think about, like Turkey?


Per TMZ, the shortage is a brutal effect of both climate change and Covid-19, which is making it difficult to farm. Due to the pandemic, a new 6 PM curfew was just put in place that prevents farmers from taking care of the crops at night, which is vital to production.

But that’s not to say that the Caribbean island’s weed problem is new. The small nation is still reeling after last year’s hurricane season wrecked marijuana fields, a devastation that was followed by severe flooding, which made the dilemma that much worse.

Wow. That sure does suck for Jamaica…

But it sounds like excellent news for boring countries everywhere! We are so pumped at the idea of a new country totally stepping up and taking the throne as the new Frat House Of The World. Honestly, Jamaica’s reign as the mad chillest nation was fun and all, but over the last couple of years, it was getting a little stale. It’s so tight that we might finally get some fresh blood! Hell, we even have a few pitches!

Here’s Our Ideas For Which Boring-Ass Countries Should Totally Step Up!

1. Egypt

Egypt hasn’t really had anything cool going on since the Pyramids, and those fuckers were built, like, two thousand years ago or whatever. Wouldn’t it be rad if this boring-ass country where nothing interesting ever happens stepped up and took on a whole new identity? We think so! Quit living in the past, Egypt, and start selling awesome t-shirts and beach towels with a mummy smoking a doob on them! Excellent!

2. North Korea

North Korea doesn’t have the best rep in the game. In fact, just about everyone thinks they’re a bunch of weirdo douchebags. Their whole thing is being, like, being annoying and spazzy. Frankly, their whole energy is very little-cousin-looking-for-attention-and-acting-out, which doesn’t work for us at all… so they should totally become the new Laid Back Weed Capital Of The Globe!

3. Peru

We don’t know shit about Peru, and no one else in the world does either! That makes it a perfect candidate to go all-in and try to steal the Bud Crown from Jamaica while they’re down for the count.

Okay, that’s all the pitches we have. We could sit here and easily think of a bunch more cool countries that should become the new Marijuana Nation, but we don’t have time right now. In any event, here’s to hoping that someone steps up! We can’t wait to see who it is!