The dumbest products age like fine wine. They go through an awkward period where everyone realizes they are obsolete objects and make no sense anymore. A few years later, the world comes around and begins to appreciate their retro-aesthetic. These useless consumer goods become so obsolete that they transcend obsoletion itself. They start out as thrift store crap, and become overpriced vintage store crap, like the kind that you buy at hip secondhand stores found in gentrified city neighborhoods.
The kind we’ve compiled for you may not be overpriced vintage store items yet, but they’re on their way.
Check out these hilariously obsolete objects from the past below!
1. He-Man Bedsheets
Hell yes. Obsolete? No way. We’ll gladly sleep in these sheets right effin’ now.
2. This Specific Lined Sheet Paper
Odds are, you learned addition on this stuff. Never again has lined paper allowed us to write in enormous block letters. RIP to a legend!
3. Blank VHS Tape Covers
This look is just off-the-charts sick. Blank VHS covers have more inspired art work than movie posters do today.
4. Movie Theater Carpets
Man, all the butter and cigarette absorbed in these carpets gave it a smell like nothing else. Pretty badass. Wish we could take a whiff again.
5. CD Wallets
Flipping through your CD/DVD collections made you feel like a God. We miss this feeling. Flapping through our copies of Rush Hour and nu-metal albums, what we’d give to have it back!
6. Fisher Price Farm
These are probably still in your parents attic along with your old onesies and all that old shit! If you didn’t almost choke on one of these figurines, did you even have a childhood?
7. Ridiculously Long Phone Cords
It would be an honor to trip and crack our heads open on one of these, for old time’s sake.
Need we say more? Perusing the aisles of Blockbuster was a right of passage. Returning Ghostbusters 2 a month late and getting charged out the ass with late fees was a beautiful thing in its own way.
9. This Plastic Lemonade Jug
Obsolete?! Hell no. You put any liquid in this thing and we are chugging it. ANY liquid. We love this jug!
9. McDonald’s Ash Tray
I would KILL to have a cigarette with my fresh Big Mac. KILL. That’s my idea of heaven.
10. Wooden Playgrounds
Ugh. This one hurts to not have around anymore. What, are we afraid of splinters these days? Let a kid slip and break their arms on a wooden playground! It builds character!!!
11. Wooden Box TVs
Okay this one would suck to still have. Good for ATARI, but everything else would like hilariously dogshit projected on this thing. Good riddance!
12. Zip Off Shorts
The transition sun-glasses of a different era. Disgusting clothing item!