Infuriating! COVID-19 Vaccines Were Given To Subway Sandwich Artists, But Not Kevin James

by Mad Dog

NASHVILLE, TN — Men’s Humor readers, you are going to want to get back into bed right away before reading this. In what is the most disrespectful moment of the global pandemic so far, it turns out that two Subway Sandwich artists in Nashville, Tennessee were given the COVID-19 vaccine, when famed Paul Blart Mall Cop actor Kevin James still has not.

This is a disgrace. Dr. Fauci, we’re looking at you on this one. I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry? More like, “I Now Pronounce Doctor Anthony Fauci Is An Asshole!”

According to Brian Todd, a spokesperson for the Metro Public Health Department, first responders were being vaccinated in mid-December, but late one night, there were still two vials of vaccine remaining and no one left to receive injections. So, what did he do?

Did he fly out Kevin James? Did he give the Zookeeper star a telephone call? Did he send out a text message or even try and reach out to Kevin on LinkedIn? No. No. And HELL no.

He found two Subway employees at a local restaurant who volunteered to receive the critical, life-saving vaccine that Kevin James could have definitely fucking used.

What was Brian’s excuse? He claimed that it was either those two Subway employees getting the vaccine, or he would have to throw the vaccine out.

Okay, first of all. We don’t even know what the hell he’s talking about here. Vaccines don’t go bad. Vaccines get better with time like a delicious aged wine, at least in Mad Dog’s experience. Second of all, why was your first thought to go to Subway? Were you thinking about Jared Fogle again, Brian? Huh? Were you?

You sick, pathetic little freak.

On behalf of Brian Todd, we apologize to Kevin James for this disgraceful act. We at Men’s Humor didn’t act quickly enough to step in and make sure you got your vaccine, sir. Because if there’s one thing we know it’s that when it comes to vaccines, Kevin CAN’T Wait!