Intelligence Agencies Must Spill Everything They Know About UFOs Thanks To This Boring Law

by Tim K

OUTER, SPACE – As if us believers weren’t already on a roll, here’s some more incredible news: According to CNN, when President Trump signed the $2.3 trillion COVID-19 relief bill back in December, it included a 180-day deadline for US intelligence agencies to tell Congress what they know about UFOs.

Yeah, you read that right…porkbarrel legislation officially fucking rules! To be clear, we don’t understand what COVID-19 and aliens have to do with each other even a little bit, and we get super bored reading the relief bill, but this is totally worth it.

Per CNN, the curious addition to the bill was included as a stipulation in the “committee comment” section of the Intelligence Authorization Act for Fiscal Year 2021—a subsection buried deep in the COVID-relief spending bill.

So even though the two definitely aren’t related, that’s apparently just how government works? Whatever! We don’t care about that! Show us some little green alien shit!

Now, the director of National Intelligence and the Secretary of Defense have less than six months to provide Congress with an unclassified report about “unidentified aerial phenomena. This report must constrain detailed analyses of UFO data and intelligence collected by the office of Naval Intelligence, the Unidentified Aerial Phenomena Task Force, and the FBI.

And best of all… the report is set to be UNCLASSIFIED.

That’s right, folks. If you thought this was just gonna be another mundane Monday morning where you feel totally alone in the universe, you might wanna think again! Life sure is better when you’re a believer.

We can’t wait for this Congressional report to totally back us up on that. There’s no doubt about it: aliens are coming, and The Men’s Humor Believer Hive is buzzing with good vibes today because of it!