MADAGASCAR – If you associate orchids with elegance and grace, we have horrible news for you. Scientists have discovered a wet, beast-like species of orchid, called gastrodia agnicellus, that is native to Madagascar, and grows out of decaying leaves, surviving on fungi, for the majority of its life cycle.
On a list highlighting significant plant species that have been discovered in 2020, the United Kingdom’s Royal Botanical Garden honored the wet, worm-like flower with the title of “the ugliest orchid in the world.”
Really nasty. Not even that interested in talking about it more, to be honest. Men’s Humor is proudly speciesist against this abomination of a flower.
This fungus-nourished orchid apparently doesn’t smell as nasty as it looks, with botanists describing the scent they emit after blooming as “musk rose-like.” We do not believe them.
“In a challenging and difficult year, it’s so thrilling to see botanical and mycological science continue, with a bumper list of incredible newly named species being documented with our collaborators across the world,” said Martin Cheek, an RBG botanist and bonafide flower freak.
“However, the bleak reality facing us cannot be underplayed: With two in five plants threatened with extinction, it is a race against time to find, identify, name and conserve plants before they disappear,” Cheek said. Hmm.
Well, good luck to botanists, we guess. Men’s Humor will stick with normal plants like grass, wheat, and bushes, thank you very much.
Interesting that plant scientists are so concerned with weird-ass, slimy little nothing flowers that look (and smell) bad, but have nothing to say about saving lettuce from extinction? When it comes to iceberg lettuce (the common man’s rose), Martin Cheek’s silence is deafening. Makes you think about how out-of-touch the academic elites are with the public interests, doesn’t it?
If we ever see gastrodia agnicellus in the wild, we will pour cement on it. We’ve instructed our Madagascar satellite office to do exactly that.